Hey there! yup, I went vegan six weeks ago, and couldn't be happier about what is going on with me these days. This might be a little long, but I want you to know why I did this and where I am coming from, in hopes that if there is another mom or person out there that is struggling with what I have been going through for a number of years, and that I can offer them some kind of help and hope!
I have been struggling horribly with anxiety and depression for a number of years. I am 36 years old now, and I have been suffering from anxiety attacks everyday of my life anxiety since I can remember. I have tried medication on and off only to be disappointed or to have a whole new set of problems from the side effects, or just because I am sensitive to meds. I started feeling pretty bad about 8 or 9 yeas ago on a pretty regular basis with no answers. I was so tired and worn out all the time. It seemed like it was just getting worse every year, and doctors told me I was fine. Well that's what my blood tests said. But I knew I wasn't so what do ya do? I just kept looking and trying but found no answers, while in the meantime things just getting getting worse. I have always remembered being tired, even when I was a teenager. I did not have a lot of energy and wanted to sleep all the time. SO I was beginning to think this was just me and that I was just going to have to deal with it and try and find some medication to get me through my life.
A few years ago I remember turning on Opera and seeing the actress Alicia Silverston on sharing her new Vegan cook book ( The Kind Diet) about how she started eating this way and it completely changed her life in all ways imaginable to awesome energy, improvement in hair, nails, skin, her sleep completely changing for the better. Her outlook on life just changed and she was thrilled to wake up everyday and live life, and she felt she was doing that to the fullest. Whoa?? What???! Seriously girls I think I was sitting on the toilet peeing and I think I just about fell off. Food can make you feel that way? It can change your whole outlook on life? Well as you can imagine I literally RAN to Barnes and Nobles and bought her book and read through all of it that day. Yeah you could say I was desperate for answers to my health. I loved her book and wanted to know more because it just made so much sense. I also started reading her blog and all the experiences of other people who where going through horrible health problems or suffering for depression and anxiety, you name it, it was in there. I was amazed and so thrilled that maybe I could heal myself through food and have a happy life. I mean really how aggravating is it when you have all these wonderful things in your life and beautiful sweet children, and it really means nothing to you because you are so unhappy and tired and exhausted and depressed and don't know why? And that right there just drives you made feeling that way every day. So I started doing alot of my own research looking on line and reading all I could about eating this way. I was inspired and excited to say the least from everything I was coming up with. So I tried it with her book for 4 weeks, and I saw my energy improving and things starting to change a little. But for some reason I quit and did not go back for a few years.
This last summer I had to have two different emergency surgeries during the month of August because my appendix bursting. I ended up being super sick not even knowing that my appendix erupted and had been for at least two days before I found out. Craziness I tell you! I have never been so sick in my life! So don't do that ok? Lol. I had to be on a tun of meds and antibiotics for a few months. I spent well over two months in bed living on Vicadin. By the time things had calmed down and I could actually get to walking around a little by myself I started to realize that my depression and anxiety was getting really, really bad. Especially my anxiety. It goes right to my stomach so my gut felt like it was going to fall out of me on a daily basis. At this point too we had three kiddos and one of those being only ten months old. My body had definitely been through a lot! I had also too found out right before I found out that I was pregnant with Jamison that I had pretty bad adrenal fatigue. The supplements just have not worked too well for me and I am not sure that I want to invest in the time and especially money for them to give it another go. My anxiety was so bad that I could not stand up straight because of the pain in my stomach, or really move around much. It was miserable. Then on top of that my depression was going to a all new high of craziness that I had no idea how to help or control. I had days were I felt suicidal. I knew that I just could not go on and did not want to. I felt like I had been trying so hard for so long that I was done. My kids were better with out me and besides I was a worthless mother anyway. I never felt like I could be the mom that I wanted to be for them, and I was losing time with them. They were going to be big in no time and I was not going to be able to remember much and I knew I would feel like I missed out on everything. Had been for a long time.There was really no hope for me I felt and even though my husband was being wonderful with taking care of me and everything, I was done. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. This was how I felt everyday. There was also other things going on too that was making my depression really hard that I did not know how to get through that was just driving me mad. So I started seeing a therapist that I really liked. But that only lasted for a few months, because even though I liked her alot I just felt like it was going to take months and months before I was going to get anything out of this, and it just seemed like things were just dragging on with her. I felt like in a way it was making things a little worse for me and my husband in a way. We were having a hard time and I was not too sure that our marriage was even going to be ok.
I decided that I was desperate to get out of this and try and figure something out. Medication was just not cutting it for me. And besides that I just really hate being on it. So I had remembered about my little Vegan ordeal a few years back and decided to try it again. I had no other options and was miserable on a daily basis. So I went back on it for a month and could see a difference mentally in how I felt! Ohhh thank goodness! My brain felt lighter and I was able to function a little better. I felt like I could get through my days a little better and things were improving. But again after four weeks I fell off the wagon a quit doing it. Why? Have no idea. Hard headed I guess.. My grandma then came out to visit a few weeks later and she was talking alot about her health and telling me about being vegetarian and hoping that that would give her some results. Well I decided to have her watch forks over knives...have you seen that? You don't want to miss it! It's great! Well she got up and said "oh well that just makes so much sense! I am going to start right away! And Brooke this is what you need to do! You get going! And stick with it! I'm going to check up on you and we are going to do this together!" Ok Grandma I said and was excited about it again. I really wanted this time around to really see if I could feel wonderful some day and have energy . Could I ever really want to get out of bed? Could I actually be a mom that I wanted to be? Well I was about sick sick and sick of feeling this way and decided that I should just see what happens. An experiment you could say. How far could I take this and how much really could I heal my body and mind? I know that I have read a lot about it and how other people have really benefited, but me?? I think I am a pretty hard case. But let's put it to the test and do a lot longer than four weeks.. I have nothing to loos and no other options. so I started watching you tube videos and was really inspired by a girl that lives on raw food who juices on a daily basis. I was so inspired and excited! I can do that! She is rawfully organic. You should check out her and her juices sometime! Now I am not going fully raw but I have been doing a lot during the day. at least one juice a day right now. I have been really tring to educate myself on everything about juicing and the healing benefits of getting a lot of fruit and veggies everyday and eating the way we need to eat so that we can function to our full potential.
It has been 6 weeks now and I can honestly say that I am slowly turning into a new person! My anxiety is just about completely gone, and my energy is going up. I want to do more , and do more with my kiddos. I am even starting to feel more positive and happy. I was even able to jog on the treadmill for over 10 minutes the other day and it did not exhaust me! That is huge for me! Did I mention too I did a three mile marathon a few weeks back and felt pretty darn good! I feel like there is hope for me and that just maybe I can have a great life with out medication. I am really enjoying eating and trying new things and love the fact that when I eat and drink I am only putting wholesome good food full of vitamins and nutrients into my body that is only making me better everyday! Now I will say that I will have a little meat here and there and some pizza here and there, but just a little:) I have stuck to my clean eating and am loving it! I am getting out of bed better staying up a little later. I have the energy to get things done at night when my kids go to bed so that I can wake up to a clean kitchen! Love that! I feel like I can actually think about things without it giving me anxiety and bothering me! This is amazing to me!! I keep telling Jeremy and he is pretty excited about it too! I feel like things just don't bother me as much as they use too and I do not feel constantly aggravated and stressed! That is huge for me too being a mom of three! I am pretty excited about what the future will be and how I will feel 4 weeks from now or three months from now! As far as I am concerned if I just keep getting better and my anxiety stays away, I will not be going back. This is like being on the best kind of medication, but not:)
So if I could offer any kind of advice or help it would be to take it slow at first and just do baby steps so that you do not get too overwhelmed. There is so much out there for you to read from other experiences, blogs, books, documentaries. I was even able to hang out with a scientist who studies diabetes, obesity, heart failure. She has been studying this for the last 35 years. She told me that eating more of a plant based diet, getting rid of the bad sugars and dairy , cutting back on meat if you can or none at all, is the best way to go! So that right there gave me even more confidence in what I have been doing. even if you can just start one day a week of not eating dairy ,meat ,sugars, you might feel quiet a difference in how you feel the next day. It really is not that big of a deal and you start feeling better so you don't want to give it up! There is so much wonderful things that are good for us out there to eat! Educate yourself! It's definitely not boring or hard. I don't feel like I can't eat a lot either. I don't feel restricted. Quiet the opposite, I feel like I am freeing myself. I believe that God gave us everything we need to eat and nourish ourselves.. wouldn't he know what we need and what would be best for us? You would just be amazed at how bad food is that we are eating everyday, and how it effects our minds and bodies! Just remember you are what you eat !
Brooke xo
